You have a lot to do in a day. Your mind is always racing onto the next meeting, phone call or responsibility. If you’re a professional woman with children, you have another layer of responsibilities weighing you down that demands your attention from dropping off the kids at school to reading bedtime stories.
Maybe you have a long commute to work or travel frequently or you feel overwhelmed by all the many roles you have to play in a single day like daughter, wife, mom, boss, and employee. Maybe you just don’t have time to feel sexy anymore. Or maybe you need a reminder that to have a healthy, well-rounded and fulfilled life, it’s important to have a satisfying sex life. You deserve it, and you’ll perform better in all your many roles when sex is an integral part of your life.
1. Put Sex on Your To-Do List…
… But start with intimacy. Somewhere in your daily planner between “work out at the gym” and “set the alarm for the morning,” you should be scheduling an hour of intimacy with your partner. Okay, maybe an hour seems like an eternity with your heavy schedule, so try a half hour or even 15 minutes when it’s a very busy day. Intimacy is the best prologue to a healthy and satisfying sex life according to Emotional Fitness for Intimacy author Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. “The most important intimate moments are those that happen outside of the bedroom,” says Goldsmith, and studies prove him right.
You build intimacy that leads to heightened sexual desire through kind gestures, listening to your partner with complete attention, random hugs, and kisses that last longer than a typical three-second peck on the cheek.
Researchers at Arizona State University report that married or committed couples that were instructed to kiss frequently experienced less daily stress and a greater level of relationship satisfaction. A surprising side effect of kissing was a decrease in “bad” cholesterol levels implying that it’s not just an apple a day that keeps the doctor away but also a healthy dose of kissing. And, it’s no surprise that kissing also stimulates sexual desire and romantic feelings.
2. Leave Work at Your Doorstep.
Learn how to flip the script. The minute you walk in the door after a busy workday, you need to train yourself to adjust and embrace your home, family and romantic partner. Keep your evening responsibilities limited by planning ahead so that chores like meal preparation and household tasks don’t take up your entire night. If you think about work when you’re home, you’ll end up working even on your downtime. There is no time or desire to have sex if you are constantly working.
3. Use Your Senses to Set the Stage
Use all of your five senses to get in the mood for lovemaking. Unlike most men who can be aroused quickly, most women need some mental and physical foreplay to prepare for the main event. Take a warm shower and feel the soothing rhythm of water droplets on your skin. Smell the scent of your partner’s favorite cologne. Listen to the music of some of your favorite artists whether it’s Barry White, Sting or Frank Sinatra. Watch the candlelight flicker and dance while you focus on the taste of a glass of wine or a ripe, red strawberry. Use all of your senses to relax and prepare physically and mentally for some quality lovemaking.
4. Quickies Aren’t Necessarily Bad
A long, leisurely lovemaking session is obviously fulfilling and enjoyable. With enough free time, even busy professional couples can relax and relish a loving sexual encounter. But, what happens when the time is limited, yet the desire for sex is palpable? That’s when a quickie is a great idea. Quickies are fun and are known to ramp up your sexual interest for future lovemaking. A quick romp in the laundry room, basement, office or master bathroom offers the excitement of an unusual place to have sex and the immediacy of intense sexual gratification.
The novelty of sex outside of the bedroom acts as an aphrodisiac in many couples. You can still make it on time to that lunch date or child’s soccer game with a smile on your face. Think of a quickie as a sexual snack that feeds your immediate sexual desire without spoiling your appetite for a full, three-course lusty meal later on. Psychologists agree that the more sex you have the more you want.
5. Try an Afternoon Delight
It’s rare that two busy professionals are able to give up an hour of work time in the afternoon to meet for a sexual rendezvous. However, many extracurricular affairs occur during normal work hours. So, how do these busy professionals find the opportunity to be together? The lovers create excuses to leave work like medical appointments, emergency household repairs or other creative reasons for leaving work.
Known as matinees or afternoon delights, these sexual encounters are just as exciting when you plan a tryst with your own partner. It’s role-playing without the guilt of a real affair. Let love take a backseat to pure sexual pleasure. Plan a secret meeting with your partner during the day for a sexual tryst even if you’ve been together for years.
6. Turn off Social Media and Turn on Sexually
Social media can be all-consuming. According to a report published in The Telegraph, “The average person has five social media accounts and spends around 1 hour and 40 minutes browsing these networks every day.” Now, think of how you can improve your sex life by using that hour and 40 minutes to enjoy the spiritual, physical and mental benefit of having sex with someone you love?
Even if you aren’t in a committed relationship, sex is still an important aspect of a woman’s life. Find a sexual partner you can trust, like a friend with benefits, and enjoy the purely physical enjoyment of sexual release. As Woody Allen said, “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.”
Do you use other strategies to improve your sex life? Share your comments with us!